Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
