we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
