Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
