i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
soo... how was my night?
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