i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
