we have pet lesbian snakes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
