Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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