I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
