I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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