I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
