I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
