I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
