theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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