I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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