Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize