3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
