i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
