My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.