thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
