How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.