People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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