So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea