I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.