Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
