i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
