just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize