drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
