Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
