My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to align my fucking chakras
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
