she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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