Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
