just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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