I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize