just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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