false alarm. still invincible.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
