If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
