Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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