Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
