Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
