i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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