the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
