I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
