We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
