Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
