you guys were way drunker than both of me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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