Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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