For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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