my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
