Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my vagina is haunted
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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