Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
