i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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