i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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