somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
