There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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