He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
