just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
