i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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