guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
