I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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