My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
