I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
