batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
