you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
