the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
