Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
