i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
