I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
