i permit you to call me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
