i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
