Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
