I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
