I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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