Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
