Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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