Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
