it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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