That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
