Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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