actually, I'm a sock model
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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