I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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