I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
