i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
