I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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