remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
