mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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