Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
